I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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