i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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