Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
