Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
