what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
