I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
