Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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