I'm gonna have a badass scar
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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