So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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