What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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