You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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