**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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