i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
