I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
