i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize