How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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