i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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