Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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