marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
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she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
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I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?