apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
