I was born with a shot glass in my hand
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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