I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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