wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
