I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
