i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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