He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
