My first STD was from a foam party
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
