guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
