You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
