life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
