he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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