sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
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there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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