worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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