I accidentally had phone sex last night
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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