She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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