I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
