O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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