Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
