the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
