farters have to be the big spoon...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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