That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
