I want to have your abortion
I can text with my tongue
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
