I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
