Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
