I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize