Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
