They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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