So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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