after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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