He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
