I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
