yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
