thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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