walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
