No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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