Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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