so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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