There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
