did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
