Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
