Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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