I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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