That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
