I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
