the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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