So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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