How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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