u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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