you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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