Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
