I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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